Mapquest: 1, Humans: 0

Here's a hypothetical situation for you: An ambulance crew is on its way from New Hampshire to a hospital in Peabody, outside Boston, on Friday afternoon. The Mapquest directions are simple: Take I-93 S to I-95 / MA-128 N and get off at Exit 26. Upon exiting from 93 onto 95 / 128, however, the intrepid crew notices that the exit numbers are going up, not down: 37 . . . 38 . . . 39 . . . 40. The crew pulls off the highway and calls the destination hospital for assistance. The hospital operator listens to the crew's dilemma and declares, "I don't know how to get here from there." The quick-thinking, dashingly handsome driver asks to speak to someone who DOES know how to get there from here and is connected to the ICU, where the staffer tells him, "Turn around and come back the way you came." After confirming its current location and the ICU staffer's instructions, the ambulance crew gets back on the highway.

Half an hour later, the ambulance crew arrives at Exit 26 and finds that none of the subsequent turns and road names listed on the Mapquest fax exist in Waltham, MA. Stopping at a pharmacy to ask for directions, the crew is informed that Peabody is approximately 26 miles away. The helpful pharmacist pulls out a map and shows the driver that I-95 / 128 run together until Exit 44, and then I-95 veers off and 128 continues starting at Exit 28 and counting DOWN. Flabbergasted, the driver--who had specifically asked the ICU staffer if the exits start over--thanked the pharmacist and returned to the ambulance.

The crew once more got on I-95 N and almost immediately began cruising at 5 mph, a victim of Boston's Friday traffic. Eventually the ambulance arrived at the hospital, but what should have been just over a two-hour trip took five hours. It's a good thing this is purely a hypothetical situation, but it's enough to make a hypothetical EMT switch to Google Maps.

In other news, not one but two business establishments left me scratching my head this week. The first an eatery near the ambulance station which proudly advertises "Breakfast served every day" immediately above the sign announcing "Closed Tuesdays." The other was the opening of an adult-toys emporium three doors down from a pro-life pregnancy center. It would appear the zoning board has a sense of irony.

Buffalo is T - 6 days and counting . . .